Yesterday evening, suddenly I felt all blank and had
pinching headache on left side twice. I left for home and had a small fight
with Nikhil after which I tried sleeping but could sleep only after 2 hours of
uneasiness and struggle. Today morning, again I was feeling sick and lots of
emotional turbulence was stopping me from starting my day. I dropped an email
to Ma’am that I would not be able to come to lab and then whole day did
nothing. Nikhil asked me what has happened to me but there were too many
reasons for my present state of mind. I could figure out what was wrong but was
unable to find a way to come out of this seemingly never ending situation of
problems.
Since some time now, I have been multitasking in both
professional and personal lives; professional not as much as personal though.
Professionally, multitasking not because I have been running from chemistry lab
to our wetlab and sometimes bioinformatics but because since I joined back from
January, I felt few times that I have been running more to R&C, AO chamber,
Accounts, Bill than doing my research work. And this would not end just running
downstairs but also several rounds of calls to ICMR and then going and
personally meeting the AO there.
Personally, things changed for me two years back after I got
married. Life does change for everyone after marriage but more important is how
those changes affect you. I got married to a family which is not entirely different
from mine but their outlook is different in several things and situations.
Where before marriage, I have learnt that girls and boys are equal, suddenly I
started witnessing several occasions of gender inequality and though I must
say, things are not as strict and orthodox as compared to what many other girls
have to go through but for me, its not only marriage but my Dad’s ill health too.
And mostly, I being the one to look after them, time demands seems quite tight.
And its not just the time demands but more of emotional and mental work to
convince my husband’s family that girls have their own family too and though
ageold traditions say that girls leave their parents after marriage, I don’t think
it’s right to leave my ill father alone. But, my husband’s family expects me to
give them more time. And, I find myself struggling balancing time between work,
my parents and my husband’s family.
While all this was going in my head back and forth, I opened
my laptop and opened the random musings blogspot. I read what I had posted long
back(The uncertainty principle and challenging the imposiible), I read Ma’am’s
blog (set your priorities reset your goals), Madhu’s blog(Keeping yourself fit
1 year of journey of fitness) and suddenly I felt emotional and empowered too.
I felt less anxious. I observed we used to write so nice
things. These blogs didn’t take away my worries but they gave me strength to
carryon. Thanks to all of us for contributing to the blogsite. I hope we all
will continue to write.
